Freelancette

Dunst has two little incisors that stick out and slightly overlap with her front teeth. The resulting vampiric effect was undoubtedly one of the things that cinched her role, at age eleven, as a baby bloodsucker alongside Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in 1994’s “Interview with a Vampire.” Since then, Dunst’s teeth have brought touch of realistic imperfection to icons like Marie Antoinette, Mary Jane Watson and Amy March from “Little Women.”

I barely noticed Dunst's teeth during "Bring It On," or even while gazing enraptured at her Marie Antoinette last fall (perhaps I was distracted by the frocks and wigs?), but I couldn’t stop staring at them in "Spider-Man 3." Every time Mary Jane appeared on screen, I’d find myself ogling her teeth. The jagged incisors peeped out from between her lips when she smiled, and she seemed to talking and pouting around them when upset. I wonder if she was working her choppers extra-hard?

I've always been a little teeth-obsessed, but in a negative way. As a kid, I spent four years bound in silver braces. I've have had my teeth professionally whitened once, and personally whitened (at-home) about half a dozen times. I've always taken great pride in my smile, and have even passed up dates with men because of their unacceptably dark or misshapen teeth. However, a trip to Japan a few years ago helped me relax my standards. The Japanese have traditionally considered an extra eye-tooth, something that would be considered hideously ugly here, to be cute in women and kids. It's a mark of beauty, similar to how we regard a mole near a woman's mouth, and therefore desirable, not embarrassing. In the past, Japanese people tended to be much more laid-back about the condition of their teeth -- but, taking a cue from the West, they've recently become much more tooth-conscious, and whitening toothpaste and creams are now popular there. Personally, I've been trying to accept my teeth for what they are. I recently gave up whitening toothpaste because I think it makes my teeth look fake. I've also heard that the silica in most whitening products can permanently damage tooth enamel and irritate gums. I'd rather have healthy teeth than white ones.

Dunst has repeatedly told reporters that she would never get her teeth straightened, believing that they look sexy and bring character to her roles. “It’s a part of me,” she told Newsweek last year. “If someone asked me to [fix my teeth], I wouldn’t want to work with them.”

Good for her! It's become increasingly rare to see a celebrity without blindingly white (or blue) teeth that defy the rules of anatomy in their straightness and perfection. Dunst's teeth, and especially her tooth-confidence, add so much to her charm and sex appeal. She's an individual and proud of it. I love her teeth. And I love her!

I appear to be in the minority. Dunst’s imperfect teeth have earned her widespread ridicule and derision from would-be fans. In fact, mocking Miss Dunst’s teeth has long been a favorite sport of celeb-spotting blogs like The Superficial, Bastardly and Gawker, who have referred to them as “baby corn,” “horribly unattractive,” “angly-weird,” “fangs,” “nasty,” and to Dunst as a “troll” and a "snaggletooth." Apparently, with her natural (“stringy!” "unwashed!") hair and crooked teeth, Dunst has inspired some major ire from a whole lot of people.

But why? Why hate a young woman who has succeeded in the film business on the basis of her talent and skills and (more importantly) hasn't had to sacrifice her identity in the process? Why hate a woman who has made it to the top of an industry notoriously critical of appearance, regardless of her own physical imperfections?

Well, maybe that's just it. People are jealous that Ms. Dunst looks just like them, yet she has the opportunity to star in fun movies and wear pretty dresses, while they're sitting at home, watching "Crazy/Beautiful" on DVD, pausing the film to remove their Crest Whitestrips. The teeth-haters are furious that Kirsten Dunst hasn't succumbed to the pressures of Hollywood, because they have, and they don't have the hot dates, the zillion-dollar salary, or the California mansion to show for it. They've felt self-conscious about their own crooked or gappy or yellow teeth all their lives and have invested in countless teeth-fixing solutions. Now, after a lot of time, money and minutes in front of the mirror, they've finally achieved otherworldly grins, and are psyched to flash their smiles around town. So they go to the theater, pay an absurd $12 for a movie ticket, and there, looming above them, magnified 40 times, is this woman with uncorrected teeth. She doesn't even seem to be aware that her crooked choppers -- LOOK AT THEM!-- sometimes protrude when her lips are touching. The nerve of this woman! How dare she! She's not perfect -- she's not even beautiful. She doesn't deserve the average person's money or attention or affection. "Kirsten Dunst and her freaky freak teeth should die in hole," wrote one fed-up poster "Die, bitch, die!" pleads another.

Kirsten Dunst: I hope you and your crooked little snaggle-teeth are laughing all the way to the bank right now. And I really hope that you aren't going to spend one penny of the money you earned for Spider-Man 3 on orthodontics.